Goals are good. Goals help motivate you and help you stay focused. Goals can be the journey that lead you to the destination. Goals shape the process for success.
Expectations are not good. Expectations are a distraction from hard work. Expectations weigh you down, put undue pressure on the outcome, which you may not be able to control. Expectations focus on the results only, and lose sight of the journey that help you get to the desired results. Expectations can sap the joy from the daily pursuit of success or happiness.
The Rays were picked to be one of the top teams in baseball this year, and the players and fans all "expected" a World Series appearance, if not the title too. There has been tension the last few weeks of the season, the players were showing it, the fans were feeling it. As the playoffs started last week, it was nothing like the 2008 season. That was a joyous romp, let's just work hard and see where we end up. This felt like duty, like a failure if we didn't get to the finish line. Well, 5 games and 2 Cliff Lees later, the Rays are done. Many fans took to booing a couple players last night at the game, because "expectations" were going to go unfulfilled. The manager didn't pull all the right strings, the hitting coach was a bad teacher, the pitching coach lost his touch with a couple of the pitchers, some of the players underperformed, etc etc etc. I could see the stress, heck HEAR the stress in O's voice as the 9th inning came and went. Part was disappointment, part was knowing she would hear it from her Yankee friends at school. Many fans left in the 9th inning because the result wasn't to their liking.
I was hoping the players would come back out and allow for us to cheer for them for all the good times they gave us this summer. And there were some great times! The walk off win on opening night against the Orioles, the grand slam by Bartlett in the 8th inning to tie the afternoon game against the Twins, some great defense in almost every game, many great pitching outings from Price, Soriano and dominating and being quirky, DJ Rally Kitty, Cotton Eyed Joe, the team scoring 9 runs on the Bear's 9th birthday, and winning in the 10th when we went to see them in Minnesota. Taking friends to the game, enjoying the concerts like John Fogerty, Train, Bret Michaels and the Village People. Running the bases, dancing on the field, playing home run derby. It was a great season. Mostly it was great because we did it together as a family. I'll remember this summer fondly because of the baseball trip we took, and the trips to the Trop to see the Rays play. I think the family will remember it forever too. The Tornado keeps reminding me of things we did at the different parks, like riding the frog on the Merry-Go-Round in KC. The goal of having fun with the family and creating lasting memories was achieved!
I've been guilty of foisting expectations on the kids this school year, and this baseball season is a reminder that doing so is a mistake on my part, and unfair to them. They should have goals to work hard in class every day, to behave, be good friends, and Be Like Christ. They should not be "expected" to get a certain grade on every test, quiz or homework. They should not be "expected" to do the right thing all day every day. That is most certainly and obviously going to lead to disappointment and frustration for everyone, and probably resentment towards me.
They have all had their growing pains this year in school, and I've been too focused on the outcomes I'm afraid, and not focused enough on helping with the process. I don't want them weighed down by the pressure of expectations from me or from themselves. Rather, I want them to flourish with the knowledge that they are doing things the right way, and that in doing so they will give themselves the best chance to achieve the goals they have for themselves. Yes I know they are only 11, 9 and 5, and maybe they don't have explicit goals they are shooting for. As a kid their only real goal is to be happy, and it's my job to help them figure out how to be that way.
So, thanks to the Rays for another great season. Thanks to baseball for reminding me of another life lesson. Sorry to O, Bear and Tornado for putting unnecessary expectations on you. I promise to try to do better in the future, allowing you to enjoy the journey of being little kids, even if that journey leads to a detour on occasion. Sometimes detours unveil a different and better path to our goals!
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